If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
