Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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