today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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