Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
