Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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