in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
