mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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