i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
