just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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