k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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