I think im going to throw up on grandma
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
