Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
