You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
