porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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