I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
