I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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