Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
