My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
