Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
