So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
