I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
