dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
