Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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