OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
