I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
