He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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