Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You left your phone here
Wait...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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