Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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