I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
