Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
