Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
