Small penises have feelings too.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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