dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
