This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
