Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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