Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
