You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize