My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
