"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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