I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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