Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
