More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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