There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My life is pants optional.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
