I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
