I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
