it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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