Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
