Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
