the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
