I think my vagina is haunted
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
