I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
